I saw this viral TikTok of a young lady complaining about her nephews
who wouldn't get off the phones during dinner
or respond to conversations.
And she was most angry at her brother and sister in law
because they wouldn't take the phones from the kids
in fear of conflict. I'm not going to stitch the video
because I don't want to appear too hostile.
This is not a political debate against some MAGA Nogales,
so I want to keep it friendly.
Sort of. I'm not surprised at her complaint,
but a little concerned by the one sided support in the comments
and those people's collective anger and frustration
at the diminishing childhood discipline
and dinner etiquette.
But why the fuss?
Why are you guys so angry?
One comment made me especially sad.
It says gentle equals lazy.
Good parenting takes work.
You can be their friend after eighteen.
18.
That comment alone had more than 3,000 likes.
But my question is, if you don't want to be your children's friend,
why have them in the first place?
Just riddle me that guys.
If you don't want your children to enjoy your presence and vice versa,
why did you even introduce them into your life?
Just to contribute to the American labor force?
Is that what it's about?
Another comment was like
my children won't even fathom the thought of disrespecting me.
Well, you know what's the best way to avoid disrespect?
Just don't have kids. Easy.
If respect is What you look for,
have a dog. Or maybe in the future,
a robot. I mean,
it'd be ideal if they don't bring phones to the table,
but as adults,
if you can't think of interesting things to say at dinner,
can you blame them?
My wife and I don't have any dinner rules in our house, okay?
Our kids can totally put their elbows anywhere they want.
Sometimes my daughter brings two devices
because she has an unfinished game
but doesn't want to miss a text.
They're busy, what can I say?
But even so, they join the conversation
whenever there's something interesting going on.
They always keep an ear open to the outside world.
My daughter will protest if my wife and I tell some insider jokes
with some Chinese Communist terminology.
She'll be like, hey,
stop excluding me.
It's not that children don't make any effort communicating with adults.
It's in their nature to participate.
It's always the adults who won't make the effort to entertain children.
You can't expect them to give you a heartfelt account of their day
just because you ask, how was school?
What kind of question is that,
by the way? So lazy.
Like, just three words.
How was school? Why not just one word, school?
When my kids were little, we did have conflict about screen time.
But pretty soon I realized this. Yes,
too much screen time is bad,
but what isn't?
So are candies, so are potato chips.
So Is processed meat like hot dogs.
So is going out without sunscreen.
You have to pick your fight.
At the end of the day,
nothing is more damaging to a kid than being unhappy.
Nothing good comes out of constant punishment,
shaming, and guilt tripping.
I've never heard of anyone who's mentally damaged
because their childhood was too happy.
That never happens. There's no such thing as too much happiness.
Statistically, more screen time can be associated with worse grades.
But remember, it depends on how you control screen time.
If you do it just by force,
just grabbing their phones like some fucking ICE agents,
it's not gonna work. On contrary,
it will
make your children think that visiting those dangerous websites
is an honorable way to rebel against your tyranny.
There's plenty of research supporting this.
You can set rules.
But if your rules are so numerous and tedious and scary
that they make your child's life a nightmare,
that's the definition of tyranny.
And their rebellion is probably justified.
Adults almost always underestimate
how knowledgeable their children actually are,
especially in the digital age.
In my experience, my children can acquire information
and order of magnitude faster than me.
Things that you think you need to teach them,
chances are they probably already know.
And things they don't know are probably useless anyway.
Remember this movie, Megan, uh,
the end? Kept trying to teach the kid to use a coaster.
You know, that little thing under the Cup.
And the kid kept forgetting.
It wasn't an important part of the movie,
but it made me think.
Of course the kid is gonna forget.
Coasters are useless stuff.
Who's gonna notice some water staining
on an IKEA coffee table these days?
The kids can't remember a rule.
It's probably because you can't convince them why it's useful.
You're imposing your ancient worldview out of habit.
I'm sure you've heard a lot of parents saying something like,
because I said so.
Uh, why do they say that?
They say that because their rules don't make sense.
They can't think of a logical explanation,
so they end up invoking their authority and physical domination.
That's just pathetic.
Kids are not only good at gathering information,
they're probably superior when it comes to moral choices.
Adults out there doing totally despicable shit
their kids won't even dream of doing.
One moment you see a guy lecturing his kids about respect,
and the next moment, he's out there driving under influence
or making a pass at the babysitter.
I swear to god,
if adults always consult their kids before they do something,
the world would be such a wonderful place.
But it's always the opposite.
The adults making a big mess at a global scale
while whining at their kids for spilling some cereal.
Have some self awareness, guys.