WEBVTT 00:00:00.460 --> 00:00:04.100 I saw this viral TikTok of a young lady complaining about her nephews 00:00:04.101 --> 00:00:06.641 who wouldn't get off the phones during dinner 00:00:06.740 --> 00:00:08.400 or respond to conversations. 00:00:08.860 --> 00:00:12.660 And she was most angry at her brother and sister in law 00:00:12.661 --> 00:00:15.121 because they wouldn't take the phones from the kids 00:00:15.140 --> 00:00:18.060 in fear of conflict. I'm not going to stitch the video 00:00:18.061 --> 00:00:20.521 because I don't want to appear too hostile. 00:00:20.700 --> 00:00:25.360 This is not a political debate against some MAGA Nogales, 00:00:25.620 --> 00:00:27.600 so I want to keep it friendly. 00:00:27.820 --> 00:00:31.300 Sort of. I'm not surprised at her complaint, 00:00:31.301 --> 00:00:35.401 but a little concerned by the one sided support in the comments 00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:39.200 and those people's collective anger and frustration 00:00:39.380 --> 00:00:42.620 at the diminishing childhood discipline 00:00:42.621 --> 00:00:44.161 and dinner etiquette. 00:00:44.760 --> 00:00:46.880 But why the fuss? 00:00:47.580 --> 00:00:49.040 Why are you guys so angry? 00:00:49.460 --> 00:00:51.800 One comment made me especially sad. 00:00:51.900 --> 00:00:55.560 It says gentle equals lazy. 00:00:55.820 --> 00:00:57.540 Good parenting takes work. 00:00:57.541 --> 00:01:00.521 You can be their friend after eighteen. 00:01:01.900 --> 00:01:03.000 18. 00:01:03.540 --> 00:01:06.600 That comment alone had more than 3,000 likes. 00:01:07.540 --> 00:01:11.720 But my question is, if you don't want to be your children's friend, 00:01:12.140 --> 00:01:15.040 why have them in the first place? 00:01:16.380 --> 00:01:18.200 Just riddle me that guys. 00:01:18.420 --> 00:01:22.600 If you don't want your children to enjoy your presence and vice versa, 00:01:22.820 --> 00:01:26.360 why did you even introduce them into your life? 00:01:27.260 --> 00:01:30.600 Just to contribute to the American labor force? 00:01:30.700 --> 00:01:32.320 Is that what it's about? 00:01:32.860 --> 00:01:34.100 Another comment was like 00:01:34.101 --> 00:01:38.681 my children won't even fathom the thought of disrespecting me. 00:01:39.460 --> 00:01:43.880 Well, you know what's the best way to avoid disrespect? 00:01:44.900 --> 00:01:47.440 Just don't have kids. Easy. 00:01:47.660 --> 00:01:50.120 If respect is What you look for, 00:01:50.220 --> 00:01:52.860 have a dog. Or maybe in the future, 00:01:52.861 --> 00:01:54.541 a robot. I mean, 00:01:54.542 --> 00:01:57.501 it'd be ideal if they don't bring phones to the table, 00:01:57.502 --> 00:01:58.881 but as adults, 00:01:58.980 --> 00:02:02.880 if you can't think of interesting things to say at dinner, 00:02:02.940 --> 00:02:04.200 can you blame them? 00:02:04.440 --> 00:02:08.120 My wife and I don't have any dinner rules in our house, okay? 00:02:08.140 --> 00:02:12.180 Our kids can totally put their elbows anywhere they want. 00:02:12.181 --> 00:02:14.681 Sometimes my daughter brings two devices 00:02:14.740 --> 00:02:17.640 because she has an unfinished game 00:02:17.700 --> 00:02:19.560 but doesn't want to miss a text. 00:02:20.340 --> 00:02:22.040 They're busy, what can I say? 00:02:22.300 --> 00:02:24.340 But even so, they join the conversation 00:02:24.341 --> 00:02:26.961 whenever there's something interesting going on. 00:02:27.460 --> 00:02:30.680 They always keep an ear open to the outside world. 00:02:31.820 --> 00:02:35.840 My daughter will protest if my wife and I tell some insider jokes 00:02:35.940 --> 00:02:39.040 with some Chinese Communist terminology. 00:02:39.420 --> 00:02:40.340 She'll be like, hey, 00:02:40.341 --> 00:02:41.841 stop excluding me. 00:02:42.900 --> 00:02:47.280 It's not that children don't make any effort communicating with adults. 00:02:47.540 --> 00:02:50.160 It's in their nature to participate. 00:02:50.460 --> 00:02:54.840 It's always the adults who won't make the effort to entertain children. 00:02:55.540 --> 00:02:59.820 You can't expect them to give you a heartfelt account of their day 00:02:59.821 --> 00:03:02.241 just because you ask, how was school? 00:03:03.060 --> 00:03:04.620 What kind of question is that, 00:03:04.621 --> 00:03:06.901 by the way? So lazy. 00:03:06.902 --> 00:03:08.481 Like, just three words. 00:03:08.540 --> 00:03:12.960 How was school? Why not just one word, school? 00:03:14.220 --> 00:03:18.080 When my kids were little, we did have conflict about screen time. 00:03:18.100 --> 00:03:21.100 But pretty soon I realized this. Yes, 00:03:21.101 --> 00:03:22.581 too much screen time is bad, 00:03:22.582 --> 00:03:23.801 but what isn't? 00:03:24.780 --> 00:03:27.180 So are candies, so are potato chips. 00:03:27.181 --> 00:03:29.921 So Is processed meat like hot dogs. 00:03:30.420 --> 00:03:32.520 So is going out without sunscreen. 00:03:32.660 --> 00:03:34.280 You have to pick your fight. 00:03:34.620 --> 00:03:35.960 At the end of the day, 00:03:36.020 --> 00:03:41.000 nothing is more damaging to a kid than being unhappy. 00:03:41.700 --> 00:03:45.500 Nothing good comes out of constant punishment, 00:03:45.501 --> 00:03:47.441 shaming, and guilt tripping. 00:03:47.620 --> 00:03:50.660 I've never heard of anyone who's mentally damaged 00:03:50.661 --> 00:03:54.241 because their childhood was too happy. 00:03:55.220 --> 00:03:59.800 That never happens. There's no such thing as too much happiness. 00:04:00.340 --> 00:04:04.760 Statistically, more screen time can be associated with worse grades. 00:04:04.940 --> 00:04:08.480 But remember, it depends on how you control screen time. 00:04:08.900 --> 00:04:11.060 If you do it just by force, 00:04:11.061 --> 00:04:14.241 just grabbing their phones like some fucking ICE agents, 00:04:14.300 --> 00:04:17.100 it's not gonna work. On contrary, 00:04:17.101 --> 00:04:17.421 it will 00:04:17.422 --> 00:04:21.181 make your children think that visiting those dangerous websites 00:04:21.182 --> 00:04:25.121 is an honorable way to rebel against your tyranny. 00:04:25.860 --> 00:04:28.560 There's plenty of research supporting this. 00:04:28.620 --> 00:04:29.940 You can set rules. 00:04:29.941 --> 00:04:34.721 But if your rules are so numerous and tedious and scary 00:04:34.740 --> 00:04:37.240 that they make your child's life a nightmare, 00:04:37.700 --> 00:04:39.960 that's the definition of tyranny. 00:04:40.820 --> 00:04:44.000 And their rebellion is probably justified. 00:04:44.740 --> 00:04:47.060 Adults almost always underestimate 00:04:47.061 --> 00:04:50.021 how knowledgeable their children actually are, 00:04:50.022 --> 00:04:52.001 especially in the digital age. 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:54.780 In my experience, my children can acquire information 00:04:54.781 --> 00:04:57.921 and order of magnitude faster than me. 00:04:59.060 --> 00:05:00.980 Things that you think you need to teach them, 00:05:00.981 --> 00:05:03.281 chances are they probably already know. 00:05:03.540 --> 00:05:07.960 And things they don't know are probably useless anyway. 00:05:09.260 --> 00:05:11.300 Remember this movie, Megan, uh, 00:05:11.301 --> 00:05:15.481 the end? Kept trying to teach the kid to use a coaster. 00:05:15.940 --> 00:05:18.400 You know, that little thing under the Cup. 00:05:18.500 --> 00:05:20.240 And the kid kept forgetting. 00:05:20.500 --> 00:05:22.500 It wasn't an important part of the movie, 00:05:22.501 --> 00:05:24.001 but it made me think. 00:05:24.740 --> 00:05:26.880 Of course the kid is gonna forget. 00:05:27.060 --> 00:05:29.960 Coasters are useless stuff. 00:05:30.460 --> 00:05:32.820 Who's gonna notice some water staining 00:05:32.821 --> 00:05:35.401 on an IKEA coffee table these days? 00:05:36.260 --> 00:05:37.780 The kids can't remember a rule. 00:05:37.781 --> 00:05:40.921 It's probably because you can't convince them why it's useful. 00:05:41.140 --> 00:05:44.880 You're imposing your ancient worldview out of habit. 00:05:45.540 --> 00:05:48.520 I'm sure you've heard a lot of parents saying something like, 00:05:48.580 --> 00:05:50.360 because I said so. 00:05:51.060 --> 00:05:52.960 Uh, why do they say that? 00:05:53.300 --> 00:05:56.500 They say that because their rules don't make sense. 00:05:56.501 --> 00:05:59.001 They can't think of a logical explanation, 00:05:59.020 --> 00:06:03.200 so they end up invoking their authority and physical domination. 00:06:03.540 --> 00:06:04.880 That's just pathetic. 00:06:05.780 --> 00:06:08.680 Kids are not only good at gathering information, 00:06:08.900 --> 00:06:13.400 they're probably superior when it comes to moral choices. 00:06:14.380 --> 00:06:17.860 Adults out there doing totally despicable shit 00:06:17.861 --> 00:06:20.321 their kids won't even dream of doing. 00:06:20.540 --> 00:06:24.640 One moment you see a guy lecturing his kids about respect, 00:06:24.780 --> 00:06:27.960 and the next moment, he's out there driving under influence 00:06:28.340 --> 00:06:30.560 or making a pass at the babysitter. 00:06:31.220 --> 00:06:32.500 I swear to god, 00:06:32.501 --> 00:06:36.241 if adults always consult their kids before they do something, 00:06:36.340 --> 00:06:39.200 the world would be such a wonderful place. 00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:41.640 But it's always the opposite. 00:06:41.820 --> 00:06:46.000 The adults making a big mess at a global scale 00:06:46.060 --> 00:06:49.240 while whining at their kids for spilling some cereal. 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:52.840 Have some self awareness, guys.