Every spider you've ever gingerly captured under a cup
and taken outside and released
died out there. They can't live outside.
This was one of my first ever unfun facts and when I told you
people didn't believe me.
They said that sounds like something a spider would say.
I didn't make it up. I Learned it from a spider scientist
and I am 98% sure that that meant that
she was a person who studies spiders,
not a spider with a PhD 95.
I'm like pretty sure other humans agree.
Most house spiders have evolved to live inside human structures
since the Roman Empire. They don't know how to live outside.
If you take them out there,
they will die and I find that very relatable.
So yeah, that kind of means you killed all of them
and I know you didn't mean to
your heart was in the right place so I don't want you to feel guilty.
You're still gonna get into heaven unless God is a spider
in which case for sure not
although in that case you probably don't wanna be up there.
It sounds creepy so if you do care about the spiders lives
or you just wanna appease spider God,
all you have to do ignore them,
let them be, they're gonna eat the bugs anyway.
This is a classic enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of situation.
When you see them in the house,
just say thank you for your Service Charlotte and let them wander on.
Or if you can't bear that,
remember I said they need to be in a house.
I didn't say they had to be in your house.
You can put them in your neighbor's house
or an International House of pancakes
or the house of representatives. They'll fit right in.