WEBVTT


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Every spider you've ever gingerly captured under a cup

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and taken outside and released

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died out there. They can't live outside.

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This was one of my first ever unfun facts and when I told you

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people didn't believe me.

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They said that sounds like something a spider would say.

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I didn't make it up. I Learned it from a spider scientist

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and I am 98% sure that that meant that

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she was a person who studies spiders,

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not a spider with a PhD 95.

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I'm like pretty sure other humans agree.

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Most house spiders have evolved to live inside human structures

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since the Roman Empire. They don't know how to live outside.

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If you take them out there,

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they will die and I find that very relatable.

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So yeah, that kind of means you killed all of them

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and I know you didn't mean to

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your heart was in the right place so I don't want you to feel guilty.

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You're still gonna get into heaven unless God is a spider

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in which case for sure not

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although in that case you probably don't wanna be up there.

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It sounds creepy so if you do care about the spiders lives

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or you just wanna appease spider God,

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all you have to do ignore them,

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let them be, they're gonna eat the bugs anyway.

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This is a classic enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of situation.

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When you see them in the house,

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just say thank you for your Service Charlotte and let them wander on.

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Or if you can't bear that,

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remember I said they need to be in a house.

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I didn't say they had to be in your house.

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You can put them in your neighbor's house

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or an International House of pancakes

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or the house of representatives. They'll fit right in.