[0:00]
in 2016 I performed at SXSW and a man asked me “what kind of dr00gas do you do” and when I asked him “why?” he said “because you might get invited to a party or studio session where they're doing something harder than what you're doing and you gotta say yes” I said “why I gotta say yes?” he's like “because you don't want them to not invite you no more for them to kick you out the session or the party” I've been invited to a lot of studio sessions and there are two times that I've been invited out that stick out the most to me for context when I used to get invited to do studio sessions 
[0:31]
I was always pressured to drink I was always pressured to 💨 I was always pressured to do dr00gas and I would always decline and even in declining like then the studio session would get cut short my verse would get deleted whatever it would just be what it is ((it was usually cause I was eating up the rappers and they was feeling jealous about it)) but mostly because I was saying no to a lot of stuff the two nights that stick out to me are when I attended a studio session with my friend who got invited out by a handler of a really important rapper if you don't know what a handler is a handler is basically the person that does the recruiting for the artist 
[1:03]
whether they're recruiting the girls the dr00gas whatever they do the recruiting we go to this studio session and when we come in half the girls in the room are passed out and sometimes a dude will come out of a recording studio grab a girl by her hand and take her into a back room and me not wanting to be pulled into a back room I was like let me just go in the kitchen and make some coffee cause it is like 3:30 in the morning the rapper himself who the studio session for wasn't even drunk or inebriated really seemed pretty coherent the handler though 
[1:34]
followed me on Snapchat and started messaging me like as time went on and either it would be just regular conversation or he'd invite me to a party or a concert and I was thinking about that studio session being like dang All them girls passed out I ain't trying to be that but he seems cool he seems friendly so let me try to see if maybe we can just be friends and I can still get invited to stuff 😂 without having to be of service in that way so he invited me out to a party one night and my sister was supposed to come with me But she got tied up in a networking event so when I go I pull up I park on the street and it's a bunch of houses 
[2:05]
and they all look the same and he meets me in the parking lot when we walk in it's nobody on the first floor with the exception of him and another man sitting in the corner and sitting in the dark and he immediately offers me a drink now I'm nervous cause I'm like one I ain't see you open that bottle I didn’t see you open that bottle but something is telling me not to take this drink I didn't say that but I was like oh no I already drank oh Ooh oh I'm so lit I was just trying to play it off because I really didn't wanna drink whatever he was about to give me 
[2:36]
but at the same time we're having this conversation I can hear something going on upstairs and it's not just one room it's the entirety of the upper floor something's happening up there there's no music playing so off top I’m like this Ain't a party but there's something happening in multiple rooms on the upper floor and I can hear it the dude was typically very warm even that first night when I met him he was basically very chill very warm but on this night he was really cold 
[3:08]
and calculating and it made me uncomfortable so I was like oh you know what I got a bottle in the car we can crack that open wooty wooty woo I'll be right back so I kind of tiptoe out and I close the door behind me and then I hear the door open behind me I glance over my shoulder and he's following me out and I was like oh no I got it I’m good I'll be right back I'll be right be right back so I start kind of walking a little bit faster like a little bit of a trot and I hear his steps picking up so I basically just run to my car and dip out cause I'm like 
[3:38]
I'd rather be wrong about being chased than be right about being chased I think about those two nights and I think about all the many studio sessions that I attended and I'm like people wanna be famous people wanna be stars but nobody is expecting to be violated in the process and there's so much discourse going on obviously on a lot of mindless platforms but so much discourse going on that's blaming the victims of what happened at these diddy parties very much being like you knew what you was getting yourself into and blah blah 
[4:10]
blah some people are not as hyper vigilant as I was and still am I don't say yes to everything that's handed to me I don't accept all drinks like that just I've never been that person but some people just go to a party expecting to have a good time they're not expecting to be violated and as an autistic person I also think it's weird how many people forget how demanding social norms are social norms require way more yeses Than no’s the expectation in normal social situations is to say yes 
[4:44]
and to be down and be the fun person so you got people who said yes to parties and said yes to fun but they didn't say yes to violence and they're getting blamed for the violence they didn't consent to the violence they weren't coherent for you can't consent if you're not conscious or sober I don't know I just I find this Diddy situation to be very heartbreaking and I'm really sad for the victims 
[5:14]
because so many people are blaming them and not the person who applied the pressure