do you remember the first time as a kid
you perceived that the clothes you were wearing were not “in style”
because I feel like this is a pivotal moment in everyone's life
because as a child you're just wearing whatever your parents bought for you
but there is a point somewhere along the way
when somebody makes fun of what you're wearing and says
nobody wears that
and did you have anyone in your life who could explain to you what is going on
because I didn't
and I think I was a full decade behind the other kids. But I remember this
I was in middle school and noticed one day
a couple of the kids had their pants rolled up at the bottom
had them cuffed
and I thought oh
their mom bought them pants that are too long
they've had to roll them up
but then the next week a few more kids are doing it like that
and then a few more
and then eventually most of the kids are doing it like this
and then it reaches a critical mass
where you are made fun of if you're not doing it like this
and some of us became very frustrated by this kind of thing
because the rules were always very arbitrary
often silly
and maybe you had an older sibling or a grown up you could ask and say
why today is everyone tucking in just half of their shirt
why is this now the rule
and maybe they would say something like
well this is what you have to do to fit in
this is what the cool kids are doing
if you say yeah
but why what they probably could not articulate
is that the rules are arbitrary on purpose
that this is a filtering mechanism
and if you want to get invited to parties
if you wanna be able to make friends and get dates
you will learn these rules
and if you say
well I don't want to fit in
they'll say that's fine
just find a different group and then fit in with them
learn their uniform
and if you say
well yeah
what about this guy
he's not dressing like everybody else
they will say
he was one of the two exceptions
he is either athletic
charismatic or attractive enough that it doesn't matter
or he is breaking the rules in a way that demonstrates that he knows the rules
and then do you remember the first time you entered the job market
and had to buy job interview clothes
for example for me
this was the first time I ever had to buy a suit
and I went to the store and Learned that there are all of these rules
that your sleeves are supposed to end at an exact spot on your wrist
that the cuff of your pants is supposed to break over your shoes
in just a certain way
and most important
you never button the second button
that is the forbidden button
the button is there
the hole is there
but apparently it's only there as a test
as a temptation
because they would never hire someone
who is so foolish to think these are both to be buttoned
and of course this is just as arbitrary as the cuffed pants
but it serves the exact same purpose
it is a filter that it's equally about can you do the job
and can you perform as a member of their social class
the class that runs everything
that unless you are extraordinary in some way
unless you are extremely talented or skilled or attractive
that the one skill that is the most valuable in society
is the ability to perceive and notice their stupid rules
and then fall in line