Tomorrow is Father's Day, and you better
thank your dad. Because if it wasn't for
your dad convincing your mom to do
something mildly degrading on a Tuesday
night when she was not in the mood, you
wouldn't be here. You think you were
conceived in some wonderful candlelight
moment of passion? No, you are 100% a
fine. Just hurry up and get it over
with. I have to be at work in the
morning type of baby. You were born
because your dad caught your mom at the
perfect mixture of wine and emotional
vulnerability. Don't get it twisted
because your mom isn't 100% off the hook
either. She wasn't trying to make a
little human that night. She was trying
to get him to shut up so she could
finish watching real housewives of
something or another. And now you're a
fully formed human walking around with
opinions and probably got a favorite
podcast. So this Father's Day, salute
your dad, not just for raising you, but
for sealing the deal with your mom. Your
mom just wanted to back rub. And look at
you now. So salute your father this
Father's Day. Call him and tell him
happy Father's Day and thank him for
being persistent and feeling a certain
kind of way.
Michael,
what?
Call your dad.